Indian tribal wisdom says that when you discover
you are riding a
dead
horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However,
in business we
often
try other strategies with dead horses, as follows:
Buy a stronger whip
Change riders
Appoint a committee to study the horse
Move the horse to a new location
Provide status reports daily on the dead horse
Rename the dead horse
Create a training session to increase our ability
to ride aforementioned horse
Add more managers/supervisors per dead horse
Hire a consultant to give their opinion on dead
horses
Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position
Terminate all live horses to redefine
productivity
Arrange to visit other sites to benchmark how
THEY ride dead
horses
Provide an incentive bonus for the jockey
Schedule a meeting with the dead horse to discuss
his productivity
problems
Do a cost analysis study to see if contractors
can ride it cheaper
Hire another consultant to refute the first
consultant's opinion
that
the horse is really dead
Bring in a motivational speaker to see if you
can't get the horse
to
rise from the dead
Form a team, positioned to shift the horse's
paradigm
Finally, if all else fails, prop the horse up,
put ribbons in his
mane
and tail, and see if you can't find a buyer
RECIPE FOR AN EQUINE MIRACLE
1 cup Tension and Stress (room temperature)
2 cups Fear (cold)
3/4 cup Inexperience, sifted
1 teaspoon of Guilt
2 heaping cups of Limited Time and Impatience
3/4 tablespoon of Urgency
A dash of "No Other Choice"
3 heaping cups of Faith
Fold ingredients gently into a soft arena. Mix vigorously and add a few
soothing words. You'll laugh a little as your horse kneads your heart.
Pack
it firmly between
your hopes and dreams of having the perfect partner and form into a little
ball of hair. Sprinkle it with a little faith (I recommend the ClickRyder
web site), allowing the horse
to roll in the arena until fully covered.
Place it under a veil of belief and love of the animal and allow it's soul
to rise to it's full magnificence.
Put it in an atmosphere that has been pre-set at the perfect temperature
for
the heat of trials and tribulations.
Allow it to brown under the warmth of your visions of the most perfect
trail ride. Remove after the horse performs to his best ability and allow
to cool in the confidence of a job well done.
Garnish generously with your praises. Arrange neatly on a platter with
carrots and apples
and serve to all the horse lovers you can find and let them know they have
the makings of an equine miracle!
~~Lori Miller
Let Me Teach You
When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to see.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be thoughtful.
When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
When you are arrogant, let me teach you humility.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
When you are tired, let me carry the load.
When you need to learn, let me teach you.
After all, I am your horse.
~~Willis Lamm
Let Me Larn Ya
When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in the
woods,and we need to leave NOW.
When you are short tempered, let me teach you how to slog around the
pasture for an hour before you can catch me.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out
where, exactly, in 40 acres I am hiding.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick MUCH
faster than omnivores.
When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet,
because I don't FEEL like cantering on my right lead today, that's why.
When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness, GI
complaint, skin disease.
When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid
service.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to PAY ATTENTION. I TOLD you
about those lions in the woods.
When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs of YAHOO-let's-go
event horse can do when suitably inspired.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch. Also
breakfast and dinner.
When you are tired, don't forget the 600 lbs of grain that needs to be
unloaded.
When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of
"Veterinary Services, additional".
When you need to learn, hang around, bud. I'll larn ya.
~~Author Unknown
When you feel superior, let me teach you that,
I can dump you.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you
that I can dump you.
When you are arrogant, let me teach you
that I can dump you.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
After all, who the hell else will want to hang around a human that
reeks of horse urine, has manure on her shoes, and hay in her hair?
~~Dawn Richards
Equine Sales Definitions
BIG TROT: Can't canter within a two mile straightaway
NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him
yet
TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with
unusually low entries due to tornado warnings
HOME BRED: knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch
BIG BONED: good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken
for a cow
NO VICES: especially when he wears his muzzle
BOLD: runaway
GOOD MOVER: runaway
ATHLETIC: runaway
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: runaway
SHOULD MATURE 14 HANDS: currently 12 hands, dam is 12.2, sire is 12.3
hands, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 12 hands,
but *this* horse will defy his DNA and grow
WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a
week
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked
anyone for a month
RECENTLY VETTED: someone else found something really wrong with this
horse
TO GOOD HOME ONLY: not really for sale unless you can (1) pay twice
what he is worth, (2) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document, and
(3) allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: never been out of the stall
GREEN BROKE - knows what color grass is
WELL HANDLED - gets hit regularly because of their bad habits
16'3" - usually somewhere around 15' 2" the further you have to drive the
greater the discrepancy from the height published
14'2" - better measure this one, you can be sure it will be over 14'2" if
you are looking for a pony
HAD A SADDLE ON - nothing is ever said about how fast they got it off
HARNESSED - see had a saddle on
IMPRINTED - see well handled
WORKED IN A ROUND PEN - could not catch the sucker in the field, and never
really got near it in the round pen but I ran it around for a short time
until it charged me.
FAMILY HORSE - takes the entire family to catch it
FAMILY PET - spoiled rotten
ROAD SAFE - except when there is traffic about
ENDURANCE HORSE - no brakes
JUMPER - takes fences at dead run
JUMPS THE MOON - and any paddock fence
GOOD HUNTER PROSPECT - well, a lot of people buy hunters
DRESSAGE MOVEMENT - big trot - really big trot - now try to sit it
BARREL HORSE - only some gamers would be dumb enough to get on this thing
TEAM PENNER - was too wild for gaming so see if you can control it when
cows are around
Dearest God in Heaven:
Thank you for giving me the strength to guide my horse.
And for making my hands soft and my head clear.
Thank you for letting my horse understand me and I him.
My heart you have blessed with a special love of these animals, and I will
never lose sight of it.
My soul you have gifted with a deep need for them, and that will never
lessen.
My breath will always catch as the sun gleams on an elegant head.
Always my throat tightens at the sound of a gentle nicker.
The scene of fresh hay and a new bag of grain will always be sweet to me.
The warm touch of a warm nose on my hand always brings a smile.
I adore the joy of a warm day on the farm.
The grace and splendor of a running horse, the thunder of hooves makes my
eyes burn and my heart soar, and it will always be so.
Dearest God, thank you for the patience, for horses are harnessed wind and
wind can be flighty.
Thanks be that they are not frightened of me or think that I will harm them.
Thank you for showing me ways to understand them.
Above all, dear God, fill my life with them.
When I pass from this world, send my soul to no heaven without them.
For this love you have given me graces my existence and I shall cherish it
and praise you for it for all time.
